I have been quite overwhelmed since trial......sorting through the pain and agony of this defeat,the loss,the mother's pain I feel is so totally indescribable..so deep, so hard. If it weren't for KNOWING my Lord and Savior has my son in His loving ,merciful arms, I dare say , I wouldn't make it..... I am trying to write down the timeline of what happened to Jason, working ever so slowly though the memories,to get to a place that I can stand up and fight for him....in any way I possibly can. My memory is sporatic to say the least, but I am trying,everyday to write a memory down,compare it to my other childrens memories and to Jason's recall.....it is tough tough stuff to go back to...the joy of Natalie's birth, watching Jason come around to accept his responsibility in her life,watching him fall in love with her,care for her,and try to better himself for her, then to watch the tradegy of her illness,,her life,the lack of care for her by her mother, and her death, it is all so painful.....but it is necessary to recall, to be able to get passsed the pain and anger ,and remember the joy and the trials we all had with helping raise her,care for her, and the loss we felt and still do with her death and then the loss of my son,my childrens oldest brother.... Please continue in prayer for my family,especially for Jason as his days are hard and dark for him....I will continue to write and soon will post the timeline of this tradegy in our lives, we continue to trust the Lord with everything and someday hope to say Jason is free and give God the glory