Been A While

So, it's been a few weeks since sentancing/my last post. This is the part that makes me feel guilty. Always so much emotion and thoughts about Jason and this whole thing, but to sit down and write about it seems impossible sometimes. Maybe it is the simple fact that writing about it makes it come to the surface, and I am very good about NOT letting things come to the sufrace..at least not very often.

I havent seen Jay since court either. Im hoping I am scheduled for next week. Lily asks about him every time we head down the road in his direction, lol. She says " We go see Jay Jay Momma?." There are so many times I am thankful for the fact that she is so young and there is only so much she will ask and understands. Still, she is so much smarter and understands so much more than we think!

As of now there are 17 followers. I changed the settings on the blog so that you could all leave comments anytime you wanted. I didnt know you couldnt until my mother informed me, lol. So, comment away, and thanks for following.

Love Catherine

So.... sentencing is done..it was a hard day. Jason looked so sad. But we all came and showed our love and support..So did the news....I loathe the news anymore, we just cannot believe what we hear on it. They said over and over we showed no emotions...I sure wish they could know the pain and agony we faced with Jason and the countless tears we have all shed in the last 3 yrs. But ,whenever I think on those things, I quickly stop myself and turn to my God and ask for peace and strength for all of us, but especially for Jason, He is afterall the one facing the hardest of times now... He is strong, I am amazed on how well he has done in the situations that face him daily. He remains positive and alive and well and most of the time in good spirits. He has done so well and I couldn't be prouder ,considering NONE of us know the nightmare he faces day in and day out. He even remains positive about the possibility of getting a new trial someday. That is where our hope lies also. I am looking forward to holding him in my arms again,for him to be able to touch his neices , he never has been able to since they were babies. To be able to hug him will be the best thing since this has happened. Can you imagine not touching another human being for 3 yrs..... I cannot..I have locked myself in my bathroom in the dark to try and "feel" as he does daily.....and I cannot handle it for more than a few minutes.. sounds odd,but I so want to feel how he does to know how to pray....then the Lord leads me in my prayers,isnt that amazing...I am grateful for the challenges in this life that have brought me to my knees, and I have learned so many things of how God works and how he wants us to rely on Him in every little thing ,not just the big ones... He is an awesome God and has carried us through this...and carried Jason . I am so grateful for those who comfort us,support us,pray for us and fight with us... it will be a long hard battle for Justice 4 Jason,but we will never stop !

Whats Next...

So, sentencing was at 1:30 today. The judge gave Jason the maximum sentance of Life in prison WITH the possibility of parole. This is what was expected, so now we move on to the next step. There is an appeal against the judge over wrongdoing during trial (without going into too much detail online ). What this means is that it will take 6 months to just start the appeal process, then it will take 6 months to  year from then to determine if there was wrongdoing on the judge's part. After that decision has been reached, we appeal the decision of the jury. So, appeal after appeal. This is how we fight the system.

In 11 months we will be back in court to appeal the decision on sentencing and ask for a lighter sentence. So, its all a waiting game, like it has been for the pat 3 years. It will be a few more years before we either re-trial or go back to trial for the appeal. In the meantime we gather information, hire the best people we can, take care of eachother, and PRAY.

Jason will be tranferred to a prison in Oklahoma within 40 days of today. He will go to Lawton for processing in which time we cannot speak or see him for 2 weeks to month. From there he will be transferred to a prison of their choice. The lawyers wrote a letter requesting he go to a minimum security prison given his background and his behavior in the past 3 years at county. There is no telling what will happen and where he will go. What we do know is we will get to touch him, hug him, and be in his presence. I am so glad he is leaving that nightmare of a place, county. He can take classes, go outside, be productive..not sitting in a cell for 3 years not seeing sunshine or feeling the wind..crazy how they can treat people in the county jail BEFORE they even go to trial!

So, thank you all again for being a part  of this journey and thinking of us and Jason. This isnt the end, just a different chapter.

Catherine, aka: His Little Sister

Sentencing

Tomorrow, Friday February 10th, 2012at 1:30pm is Jasons sentancing. It's a strange feeling. I am trying to stay unattached as much as possible because I do not want all the emotional and overwhelming feelings of trial to come back, but I can only be so disconnected. My brother says he doesnt want to come with us, and I don't blame him at all. Why go back to that place, see those DA's, and the judge and all those people who help put my brother in jail...what is the point? To see Jason? To be there for his support? I think its ALL about supporting him. Showing him he is not alone in ANYTHING he will do from now on in all of this. I am considering bringing Lily, my 3yr old daughter. She has never seen Jason out from behind the glass of the county jail. I dont want her in the courtroom, just to be there and let him see her for the first time outside of County since she was a week old. Who knows how long it will be before he is sent to prison and we can see him in person and hug him and everything else that comes with being able to be phsyically with someone. I think we all take advantage of that at times...

Even though we basically know the outcome of the sentancing, it's still weighing heavily...sort of finalizing this 3 year nightmare. Im actually excited for him to go to prison. I WANT him to go there instead of staying at county for another 3 years. I can be with him, we can have visits longer than 15 min...He needs fresh air, to be outside...I am ready for the next part of this "journey" with Jason..The Battle part. They have no idea what my family has in store.

Tattoo: Accomplished!

I got my J4J tattoo today. I LOVE it. It hurt, don't get me wrong, but I did it and I love it and I cannot wait to show Jason on Thursday..well, I guess he will see it Wednesday.. sentencing is Wednesday at 10am. Gonna be another emotional day. Blugh. My brother is working on the design he wants, so his should be coming soon. Oh, so for those wondering: The 3 birds symbolize (Feb 3rd is the day Natalie died and Jason was taken from us, it also means it was a 3yr journey from day 1 till time of trial/sentencing) Birds flying symbolize power and freedom..which we are striving for in this journey. In myths birds have symbolized such things as "the flight of the soul" "New beginning", "Hope."

It's going to be a constant reminder of what my family is going through and what we are doing for Jason every day.

3 years ago today,my life,my sons life,my families life was changed forever.. our little Natalie went to be with Jesus after suffering her entire life.... I begged the Lord to let her stay,He chose to take her, I came to terms with that soon after. Comfort came in knowing she would no longer be hurting and suffering so..she is dancing the streets of gold along with my daddy..... I take comfort in that daily.I miss her perky little self, her deep dark hair and eyes,wonder what she would be like now. I know she would be running around with her daddy if she could and he would be her protector,dad,friend and would love her more than he did while she was with us....My heart aches, my soul moans at what her passing has done to all of us, I praise God for the many blessings He has given us since that day, the strength ,the courage,the peace,the comfort and the ability to keep on going day after day when our hearts hurt, to let Natalie go and pick up the fight for my son... the struggle is unbearable at times, realizing how unjust it is to have lost both Natalie and my son on that day......
I give thanks that we still have Jason here with us... but ache to hold him,hug him,let him say goodbye to his little girl ,the right way, he tried so hard to save her that night and then was snatched away from her before being able to hold her one last time,to kiss her fat little cheeks again. He was thrown into a hell I cannot begin to understand, I try to think of how he must feel.....but then I cry and hurt to bad, so I pray, I call out to God for relief, and He gives me peace and help. We have had a long fight since then,to bring Jason justice, and the fight isnt over . and will never be over as long as his family is living on this earth......
I know God knows the plan for Jason and it may never be what we want or think is best..HE knows best we must trust HIM alone. I wanted to take this moment to remember Natalie,her cute little cheeks,her dark hair and eyes.....her smile..and think of her up in Heaven , living a perfect life with our Saviour...and give thanks for that knowing and comfort....... I love you Natalie,we all miss you so...... see you in Heaven little angel

Just a Thank You

I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone following this blog. It means a lot that someone is taking time out of their busy life to read about ours :) Feel free to leave comments anytime!