Tattoo

Time goes by so slowly sometimes, then all the sudden its been another month and I don't know where the time went or how I ever thought it went by so slow..So I apologize for not writing lately!!

 Last time I saw Jason I told him that I would be getting a J4J tattoo in the next few weeks, but ONLY if HE designed it. I am doing it for him, for the memory, for the strength to push on, and for all the people in the world that will see it and ask me about it! I currently have 1 tattoo now, a pink bow on the back of my neck that is in memory of Natalie Michelle. My brother Kenneth and I will be getting them done together :) I have had some people say to me: "Why would you want a tattoo that makes you re-live the last 3 years and all the heartbreak..ect". Here is my answer; It is a CONSTANT reminder of what me and my family have gone through. Whether it be the sadness of the trial, the jail visits, the time behind or ahead of me now, it is ALL memories and it is MY LIFE. When I see the tattoo I can be reminded of how strong Jason is and what HE went through and what WE went through as a family. It's a way to remind myself of how strong a person really is and what I can overcome...because I honestly believe this is the hardest thing I will ever go through. Its like the emotions of a funeral, wedding, birth of a child, all wrapped into this single thing in my life. There is no way to prepare..no advice to be given, no book to read, nothing but family and friends to just BE THERE in any way they can. So, a tattoo is a decision that will affect me for the rest of my life, but I am ALREADY affected the rest of my life!! A tattoo is my way of releasing my pain and emotions of this journey. Its an outlet and a way to share my story...Jason's story. 

It is coming up,the 3rd anniversary of Natalies death and subsequently the incarceration of my son. It has been the hardest 3 years of my life as well as my family...the loss of Natalie ,to this day is so hard. The realization only more real to us all ,as my other grandbabies who were born the same year, turn 3 yrs old and we see them grow and learn and enjoy them so, I cannot help but wonder what Natalie would have been like,how she would look, her smile, her attitude(it showed at a young age ) :) I must constantly ground myself in the word, and pray for relief of the ache I feel, stop and really enjoy every moment I have with my grandchildren here in front of me and cherish every memory we have. God does not promise to make sense of Natalies death, He only promises that HE has a plan and that HE loves us and loved her and is loving her now for eternity. and that we will see her again., that HE will get us all through this if we trust HIM and love HIM... I do both and everyday thank Him for the wonderful blessings that have come through this horrible 3 yrs and know that there will be more good that comes...one day at a time Sweet Jesus!

I have been quite overwhelmed since trial......sorting through the pain and agony of this defeat,the loss,the mother's pain I feel is so totally indescribable..so deep, so hard. If it weren't for KNOWING my Lord and Savior has my son in His loving ,merciful arms, I dare say , I wouldn't make it..... I am trying to write down the timeline of what happened to Jason, working ever so slowly though the memories,to get to a place that I can stand up and fight for him....in any way I possibly can. My memory is sporatic to say the least, but I am trying,everyday to write a memory down,compare it to my other childrens memories and to Jason's recall.....it is tough tough stuff to go back to...the joy of Natalie's birth, watching Jason come around to accept his responsibility in her life,watching him fall in love with her,care for her,and try to better himself for her, then to watch the tradegy of her illness,,her life,the lack of care for her by her mother, and her death, it is all so painful.....but it is necessary to recall, to be able to get passsed the pain and anger ,and remember the joy and the trials we all had with helping raise her,care for her, and the loss we felt and still do with her death and then the loss of my son,my childrens oldest brother.... Please continue in prayer for my family,especially for Jason as his days are hard and dark for him....I will continue to write and soon will post the timeline of this tradegy in our lives, we continue to trust the Lord with everything and someday hope to say Jason is free and give God the glory

1 1/2 Hour Jason Visit :D

Just got back from my visit with Jason. My best friend Amanda and I went this week. No kiddo's, which I am thankful for. OKC County Jail decided to book 9 visitations for floor 6 when there are only visitation "pods." Ya, WTH?!?! When we got up there the 7 lucky ones to hold a spot for themselves got to visit first and the other two had to wait until a spot was open. Jason, being such a big guy, of course claimed a pod spot :)

Our visit lasted an hour in a half, and it was filled with talks of books, magazines, current events, sign language, and anything else we could fit into the visit. He is learning sign language because there is someone on the floor with him that has been deaf since he was 2 and is willing to teach Jason...Not gonna lie, I learned a few "naughty" sign language words, hehe. He is trying to find a new book series to read if anyone has any good ideas? He like sci-fi/fantasy/etc. Basically anything that was interesting enough for you to read he will, lol. I barely ever read and when I do it is only non-fiction and around the ares of cultural studies/sociology. So, feel free to pass some good book ideas along or even pass the book themselves if you have some sitting gathering dust!

Jason had to go to the dentist last week for a tooth thats been giving him a lot of pain the past year or so. Cost him $15..which is the money he would normally use for phone calls, so we gotta put more on for him tomorrow so he can call his momma (he said) :P Also, he got caught with "contriban"...a WATCH. A Dept. of Corrections watch and the DA is pressing charges or something hoping they can stick it on Jay's record because they can use taxpayers money to do WHATEVER they want because there is NO ONE there to tell them they cannot. Nice huh?? Ever feel hopeless under the system? Ya, now you should. GRRRR. SOO. if it goes past a certain point he could go all the way to a TRIAL! Meaning Jason could spend 6 months-1 year longer in county because of the $%^&$#$ DA! Ok, sorry..a little heated.

It was an awesome visit though, lots of laughing =D He seemed really good, except for the watch them, got him heated. I apologized for not writing him the last 2 weeks like I had planned, but he understood. I havent been on here to blog either because I have been moving to a new house, had a severa case of strep, then Lily got imfentigo (spelling?), so overall a long hard couple weeks. I am back on track..ok..almost.

Thanks for reading and following the blog. It means a lot to know people out there have room to be a part of someone else's life. <3

http://www.heraldsun.com/view/full_story/15964027/article-Defense-claims-shaken-baby-syndrome-theory-is-wrong

Saw Jason tonight.....was a short short visit sad to say.......he looks tired and sad.....it is hard to see, causes me to pray pray pray.Please join me in prayer for him to remain strong and uplifted. Pray he reaches out to his only true Helper !

I am going to visit Jason for the first time tonight,,since trial....and it is really difficult. Although I have talked with him on the phone many times, I struggle with looking into his eyes. He is so strong and has held up well through this nightmare,better than I could have..... it hurts so much to know he is headed to prison........the injustice of it is so hard to bear at times....I am thankful to know in my heart,mind and soul, the Lord is in control....I still hurt,cry,struggle to understand how this has happened. I want to give him hope ,the only way to do that is to believe the Lord has this under control no matter what we are suffering along with Jason, HE has a plan for good for my son,no evil.......I am now trying to write the story behind this whole nightmare,but words fail me, I suppose it is because it is so very emotional,not just for me but for my other children.
I am trying to put my hands to work in the fight for Jason and quickly become overwhelmed. Please continue praying for him and all of us ,that we know how to start this fight, where to concentrate our efforts, this is not over !

Jamison The Missed

I am missing my brother more than ever. I can't seem to understand all the events leading up to his conviction. No matter how I look at it, it still doesnt make sense. Its baffling to know someone innocent can be convicted of something they didn't do. This crazy string of unfortunate events that lead him down this path to "hell." One shock after the next. Its like every bad outcome that could have happened, happened. The odds say at least one time he would actually be looked at like he should. But nope, this has defied all odds and has not missed a beat. From start to finish every bad ending has been seen. What does that mean the future will hold? Im still hoping for the odds to prove they are still there, that at least once we will have a better outcome, that my brother's fate will not be held in incompetent hands.....

A Letter

I told Jason I would try writing him in a new style now. More like a daily diary that I would send him at the end of each week. The first week went off well, but this is my second week and I haven't written at all...and I am supposed to mail the letter tomorrow....I HATE not "finding" the time to write him because I feel like of all things I do in my day he should be on the top of the list. In reality though, finding time to sit for 20 minutes and write about my day is becoming hard to do, especially when there is SO much to do daily at the moment with moving and Michael starting school. Its also not helpful with carpel tunnel (we think that's what it is) to sit and write more than a paragraph. I am buying a printer as soon as I can afford one so I can start typing my day up and printing them out..although it seems less personal, but in the end he gets a letter :) 


Now that Kenny and I are living together, its AMAZING how many times throughout the day that Kenny will do something and I will think "I bet Jason would have said/done the same thing." No wonder Mosta (a.k.a Mom) has such a hard time making sure not to compare the two and let it get to her when Kenny is around. He hasn't been around for longer than Jason has been in county, so its all like playing catch-up with him and I feel like if Jason was sitting here with us they would be a couple of Twinkies :)


I haven't seen Jason in about 2-3 weeks now, so I am eager to see him and catch him up on all that's happening. Will write tomorrow :)

A Place For Thoughts

I started this blog because it seems like I have so much to say, and nowhere to share it. I want people to know the truth, I want to be able to reach thousands of people, and I want people to see what happens in the daily life of the family fighting for the justice of a loved one. Jason is my big brother, Natalie's father, a son, an older brother, a PERSON. I am here to do EVERYTHING I can to spread the word and fight till I die for my brothers' justice. I will do whatever it takes to spread the misdiagnosis of "Shaken Baby Syndrome" and misdiagnosed child abuse so that maybe this might not happen to another innocent person. 

Please join us in the fight for Justice for my son Jason.......wrongfully convicted for the death of his beloved daughter Natalie...... the fight continues after 3 years of waiting for justice......we will be posting more of the story soon........